D-PAD [v.]Downloading Porn All Day. When an employee has nothing to do. “Now that the project is finished, I’m looking forward to a little D-PAD.”
Suggested by minorfall.
Daily driver [n.]Functional, reliable equipment for day-to-day productivity. “The touchscreen is cute, but it’s not going replace my daily driver.”
Data-point [n.]An area of factual inquiry.
Suggested by Joe O.
De-integrate [v.]To disassemble. “We’re going to have to de-integrate the entire assembly and start from scratch.”
De-layering [v.]An excuse to fire multiple levels of a hierarchy without reducing the total workload. (see also, Empowerment)
Suggested by Jane W.
De-tune [v.]To minimize in style or message. Synonym: tone-down. “You really need to de-tune those hideous slides.”
Suggested by Natalie R.
Dead stick [adj.]Describes a project that has lost momentum. This is an aviation term used when a plane is on the verge of losing control.
Suggested by Derrick.
Dead Tree Edition [n.]Printed version of a document or presentation. “We already have it in PDF, why do we need the dead tree edition?”
Suggested by Primus
Dead wood [n.]An employee that no longer contributes anything meaningful to an organization.
Deceptionist [n.]A receptionist whose job is actually to delay or block potential visitors. Ruthless with a polite, perfect smile.
Decision sniper [n.]The person that sits quietly in a meeting until just before a decision is reached, then raises a question that forces the group to reconvene later.
Suggested by Brian W.
Deck [n.]A PowerPoint slide presentation. “Clean up those slides before you even think about running that deck again.”
Suggested by Gomo.
Decruit [v.]A clever euphemism for firing senior employees. “The board is pushing for decruitment.”
Suggested by Amanda G.
Deep dive [n.]An in-depth study or presentation.
Deep pockets [n.]Rich investors. “We need a few more deep pockets on board before we move forward.”
Deep six [exp.]A borrowed military term meaning ‘to dispose of.’
Deferred success [n.]A term used to postpone the declaration of failure, as if a positive result is guaranteed (just not right now). “The project was a deferred success; we’re confident that things will pick up in the next quarter.”
Suggested by Aidan.
Dehire [v.]To fire.
Deja moo [exp.]The nagging feeling that you’ve heard this BS before.
Delagatorship [n.]A business entity run by someone incapable of decision-making.
Suggested by Matt F.
Deliver the goods [v.]To come through on an agreement.
Delta [n.]Pretty much the coolest way to speak about a change or difference. “We’re talking about a 2% delta on the cap rate.”
Suggested by Cash M.
Deploy [v.]Execute; release to the public. Makes the speaker feel like he’s planning D-Day instead of some insipid PR launch.
Suggested by Irene G.
Descope [v.]The art of removing requirements or features from a project to make it appear completed. “The web deliverable was descoped yesterday and victory was declared.”
Suggested by JCSmith.
Deselect [v.]To fire or lay-off. “We need to deselect five people from your department to meet cost targets this year.”
Suggested by Don.
Desk dive [n.]The painful crawl underneath your desk to unplug equipment or fetch a dropped item.
Suggested by Jessica.
Desk jockey [exp.]An office worker.
Deskfast [n.]Breakfast eaten at your desk.
Diagonal slice meeting [n.]A large meeting involving staff from several teams. Try not to think about costs as 26 people discuss their feelings.
Suggested by Henry H.
Dial and smile [n.]Phone calls intended to recruit new customers.
Dial-in [v.]A simply terrible way to say ‘include’. “Let me dial-in marketing on this one.”
Dialogue [v.]To have a conversation. “Let’s dialogue later about the Miller account.”
Dialogue marketing [n.]A marketing strategy that tries to create a two-way rapport with the customer.
Diarize [v.]To ensure that all relevant details are recorded. “Don’t pack up until these learnings are diarized.”
Suggested by Lesley.
Diary forward [v.]To record new knowledge and apply it in the future. “Managers will conduct a 15 minute walkdown each day and diary forward to cover all shifts.”
Suggested by Rob A.
Die on the hill [v.]To over-commit. “The client’s pushing for a Friday go-live? No thanks. I’m not dying on that hill.”
Suggested by Renee
Different breed [adj.]A derogatory reference to a strange person or thing. “Night shift servermonkeys really are a different breed.”
Digerati [n.]An elite group of people that know more about computers than you ever will.
Dime store [n.]A business that sells extremely cheap items.
DINK [n.]Double Income, No Kids.
Dinosaur [n.]A long-term company employee whose extensive experience is only surpassed by his resistance to change.
Suggested by Aaron D.
Dip your pen in company ink [v.]Having sexual relations with a coworker.
Suggested by Brad.
Directionally accurate [adj.]A terrible euphemism for describing a failed guess. “You have to admit that our conclusion was at least directionally accurate.”
Suggested by ACP.
Dirty laundry [n.]Questionable business practices or documents that an organization would prefer to remain secret.
Dirty pool [exp.]Unethical practices. “Her lawyers are really playing dirty pool on this one.”
Disambiguate [v.]An ironic 5-syllable word used in place of ‘clarify.’
Disconnect [n.]An inconsistency or problem. Another terrible noun created from a perfectly good verb.
Disimpress [v.]To reverse a favorable impression with subsequent behavior. “We liked him at the first interview, but he really disimpressed us in the second round.”
Suggested by Jason I.
Disincentivize [v.]To reduce the motivation to make a particular choice. Please, just never say this word.
Disintermediate [v.]The process of removing the middle man. Lord help us.
DK [n.]Short for Don’t Know. To renege on a deal by claiming that terms are missing or incorrect. “Joan DK’ed me when her options took a bath.”
Suggested by Papa
Do the needful [exp.]A reminder to actually do the work you’re being paid for. “…and if that means coming in Sunday, we’re going to do the needful.”
Suggested by Michael W.
Doability [adj.]Used to describe whether an activity can be undertaken. “I need to confirm the doability of that request.”
Suggested by Beneboy
Dog [n.]A badly performing product or company.
Dog and pony show [n.]An overlay staged presentation that has more style than substance.
Dog in this fight [n.]Presence in a given market. “Find out what the competition is up to, and make damn sure we get a dog in this fight.”
Suggested by Jack.
Dogfooding [v.]The practice of forcing developers to use their own product (or ‘eat their own dog food’) to better understand the customer experience.
Suggested by Programmer Type.
Doingness [n.]An invented, pseudo-eastern concept of active participation. The kind of word that whole consulting empires are built around.
DOMA [exp.]Die Or Move Away. One way to lose customers.
DOMO [exp.]DOwnwardly MObile. A young person who changes their priorities and quits a high paying, demanding position.
Don't f*** with payroll [exp.]Blunt advice about avoiding romantic or sexual relationships with co-workers.
Suggested by Max
Don't fight the tape [exp.]Don’t oppose the market trend.
Don't get your meat where you make your bread [exp.]A food metaphor about the perils of hooking up with coworkers.
Suggested by Jason F.
Donkey work [n.]Mundane tasks requiring minimal skill to complete. “I’m so done with this donkey work. Internships are the worst.”
Dopeler effect [exp.]The principle that stupid ideas sound better when they come at you quickly.
Double dip [v.]To retire, but then start another career.
Double-time [exp.]A military term meaning to act quickly. “Get that invoice out double-time!”
Dovetail [v.]To expand upon a fellow employee’s idea. Claiming it as your own is optional. “That dovetails nicely into my point.”
Suggested by Johnny P.
Down and dirty [adj.]To perform a task quickly without considering quality.
Down the rabbit hole [exp.]A promise that what follows will be compelling, highly-detailed, and maybe a little crazy. “Let’s double-click this icon and head straight down the rabbit hole.”
Suggested by Jon E.
Downsize [v.]To reduce the size of a workforce. Often begins with requests for voluntary resignations and ends with a series of layoffs.
Drill down [v.]To investigate thoroughly. “Let’s meet this afternoon and drill down on this one.”
Drink from the firehose [v.]To be overwhelmed with information.
Suggested by Crazy Renee.
Drink the Kool-aid [v.]To accept company policy without question.
Drive beyond the headlights [v.]To get ahead of oneself. “Stop me if I’m driving beyond the headlights here, but I want to share an amazing home-based business with you.”
Suggested by Crazy Renee.
Drop-dead date [n.]The REAL deadline. Missing it often means dire consequences.
Dropping packets [v.]A state of forgetfulness caused by burnout or lack of sleep. “You hungover again? You’ve been dropping packets all morning…”
Suggested by David M.
Dub-dub-dub [n.]A quicker (and nerdier) way to refer to the beginning of a website address. “You have to check out dub-dub-dub dot…”
Suggested by Chandra C.
Duck shove [n.]The act of passing a difficult question or task to an unsuspecting third party. “I duck shoved that paperwork over to Jonathon.”
Duck shuffler [n.]Someone who disrupts your affairs after you’ve finally gotten all your ‘ducks in a row.’
Ducks in a row [exp.]To become organized.
Due diligence [n.]The thoroughness required to make good business decisions.
Suggested by Pulkit B.